What differentiates couples in a long-term relationship who have great sex from those who stop enjoying physical intimacy?
People often blame familiarity for their diminishing sexual desire but this is not how it works. Many couples that have been together for years, even decades, still enjoy a healthy sex life regardless of the fact they know everything there is to know about each other.
So, what does it take to keep sex fresh and exciting as the years go by?
Psychologists and researchers have worked hard on discovering the answer to that question. Here are some of their most important findings that all couples can benefit from.
Keep on Working!
Research suggests that couples who believe healthy sex life requires work and conscious effort tend to enjoy much more satisfying intimacy than those who assume that amazing passion should occur on its own.
Great sex isn’t a given.
It necessitates communication, compromises and trying out new things.
Having great sex requires active commitment and being present in the moment. Just going through the motions will obviously make the experience boring and mundane sooner or later.
Chemistry in the beginning of a relationship can do a lot to transform every sexual encounter into an earth-shattering experience. In time, however, that passion will subside. It will be substituted by trust, understanding and a deep desire to please a partner. Needless to say these are good things. When paired with some enthusiasm, they can contribute to sex that continues being fresh and exciting.
The intimate knowledge you acquire of your partner’s needs and desires in time can be very beneficial if you want to make things in the bedroom amazing time after time.
Understanding each other’s needs will lead you to explore fantasies and desires. Such sexual experiments can be a lot of fun for both of you, making you feel like you’ve just started dating each other.
Consider role play, some kinks or taking sex out of the bedroom. Adult toys are also a great choice to explore new facets of sex you could have been unfamiliar with in the past.
The sex toy market has become so truly diversified that you’ll discover at least a few choices to tickle your fancy. Classic vibrators and more innovative options like strapless strapon dildos are becoming more popular. You can check out adult stores in your neighborhood or just order online and get them delivered to your door.
There still seems to be some stigma surrounding the use of sexual aids but luckily, these sentiments are starting to disappear from society. If you’re still reluctant about the use of adult toys, try out a simple and non-obtrusive option first. Once you see how beneficial it can be for your sex life, chances are that you’ll move on to exploring other options soon.
Have Sex Even When You Don’t Feel Like It
Don’t assume you’re always going to be in the mood for sex. In fact, your libido will start going down with time.
To keep things fun in the long-run, do try to push through the lack of desire.
You don’t always need to be in the perfect mood to get naughty. Just doing it can awaken your desire and contribute to more frequent and more exciting sex in the long run.
Explore Alternatives to Traditional Sex
Penetrative sex is the ultimate goal for most people but it’s not the only kind of intimacy you can be having fun with.
Good sex is so much more diversified! There’s oral sex, petting, dry humping, sensual massages, tantric sex and a whole lot more.
Explore these possibilities. In fact, you may want to stay away from penetrative sex for some time. Discovering brand new ways to stimulate your partner will definitely amp up the excitement and make you crave intimacy more often.
Stop Focusing on Orgasms So Much
For most people, giving a partner an orgasm is considered the ultimate goal in sex.
When you focus on orgasms alone, however, you stop putting creativity in the process.
You see, in time you will learn exactly what works well for your significant other. Thus, you’ll potentially stick to the same routine each time because it will lead to a climax.
Stop making an orgasm the most important goal. Good sex is about the journey and not the destination. Once you switch your mindset, you’ll discover many brand new things you could be doing together in the bedroom.
You may feel like sexting and virtual sex are reserved for teenagers and people in a long-distance relationship but this isn’t the case.
Getting a naughty text in the middle of the day can really get you in the mood and make you crave the evening with your partner.
Obviously, sexting isn’t right for everyone. Some people wouldn’t really understand its appeal or get turned on by naughty descriptions in text. Still, you have nothing to lose. Give it a try and chances are that you’ll soon be making that digital sexual interaction a part of your daily routine.
Watch Porn Together
Adult films have been blamed for lots of relationship problems but they don’t have to be the ones setting unrealistic expectations. In fact, watching porn together with a loved one can lead to a brand new sexual appetite that may surprise you both.
Chances are that watching adult films together is going to feel uncomfortable at first.
In time, however, such practices can lead to more open and honest communication. You’ll put more emphasis on what you desire and you’ll learn new stuff about that special someone in your life. Give it a try and you will not regret the experience.
Enjoy Non-Sexual Touch Often
Touching each other throughout the day, even when this happens in a non-sexual way is essential to keep things dynamic between the sheets.
A kiss on the forehead, a hug and some gentle caressing build intimacy. Physical touch is highly bonding and it results in a tender feeling you may want to take a step further in the evening.
When you have more time, go for a non-sexual activity that involves a lot of touching like a massage. Such an activity can easily get you both turned on and become the appetizer to a really exciting and delicious night ahead.
Good sex isn’t a miraculous thing that happens on its own. If you want it, you have to talk and you have to be open to new things (even if you believe that you know everything about your partner). Long-term couples do go through sexual ups and downs and that’s ok. As long as these are viewed as learning opportunities, such experiences can make intimacy exciting and highly desirable regardless of the relationship’s age.