Conflicts between people can arise on any, even the most unexpected occasions. Sometimes words that seem insignificant to one person can mean a lot to others, offending them.
It’s easy to hurt someone’s feelings. Often we don’t even realize that the quarrel with your loved one was so serious because of our fault. Fatigue, irritation, and depression strengthen negative emotions. But making peace with the person you offended may take a lot of time.
Learning to forgive
Figure out what caused the conflict
Perhaps the reason for your quarrel is not as serious as you thought at first. During an argument, we can take things much more seriously than they are. Try to say the words that offended you out loud or write them on a piece of paper. It will help you assess the situation soberly. It’s likely that in a quiet domestic atmosphere, the cause of your conflict will only make you laugh.
Let off steam
Free yourself from negative energy. Physical exercises or even art will help. See a movie, or read your favorite book.
Reconcile to yourself
Think about why you’re still taking offense. Maybe it’s not a matter of offense at all? Sometimes it’s easier for people not to forgive. Some try to find the reasons for their failures in an offense. No matter how much time has passed, they always say: “Whatever happens to me, it’s the offender’s fault.” In this case, forgiveness will deprive them of this opportunity. Others see the offense as a chance to feel their moral superiority over a person who started the conflict. Therefore, understand yourself and your feelings first.
Try to understand your offender
Maybe this person didn’t want to hurt your feelings by his or her actions. He/she could simply have no other option. If that’s not the case, and this person hurt you on purpose, you may not justify her/his actions. But try to forgive anyways.
Do not be afraid to take the first step
Why wait until the offender asks for forgiveness? It is unlikely that you will remember a quarrel with a stranger for a long time. It’s the loved ones who hurt your feelings the most. And if you remember the offense for a long time, apparently, the offender still means something to you. And if so, why torture yourself? Remember how great it feels to be forgiven. Find the strength to forgive; it will be easier for everyone, and, above all, for you.
Try to think well of your offender
Your relationships with the person who offended you haven’t always been so bad, right? After a quarrel, we always try to justify our behavior. To do this, we put our offender in a much more negative light than she/he is. We immediately remember all the bad things she or he did, forgetting about the good ones. Focus on the positive qualities that your offender has, and forgiving her/him will be easier.
Do not consider forgiveness an act of complacency
By forgiving a person, you should not do him/her a favor. Forgiveness is important to you. You, first of all, release yourself from the heavy burden of insult. Understand this. By forgiving, you show the insignificance of a quarrel – because there is nothing in it that would justify the offense.
Revenge is not an option
The soreness of the wound always depends on who inflicted it and how hard our dignity was humiliated. In some cases, it may seem to us that it’s impossible to forgive. The most important thing, in this case, is not to start planning revenge, hoping that it will bring relief. Revenge is just another opportunity to amuse your ego.
It’s not so difficult to forgive. All you need is to be ready to give up old grievances. Take this step. Know how to forgive and not only others but yourself too. In the end, all people commit bad deeds, and you are barely an exception.
Thanks to our friends from single Russian women for providing this article.