The 50 Best Funny Text Messages Ever Sent

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Here’s the problem with websites that collect funny text messages – you have to wade through a million moderately funny or obviously fake text messages to get to the real gems. It’s even worse when the website accepts users to instantly post funny text messages because, as everyone knows, what is funny to one person may not be funny to another. The best funny text messages are always the text messages meant to be completely normal but wind up being something much different thanks to the often cursed auto-correct. While watching Dexter with my husband a few months back, a friend messaged me to chat. I responded, “I’ll be there in a few mins. Finishing Sex with the husband.” She was perplexed by my decision to respond to a text message when I was clearly busy. I didn’t even notice the auto-correct decided to change “Dex” to “Sex” until she replied with, “why did you check the message, lady?!?” I could cull a million great examples out of my own adventures with auto-correct but it’s much less embarrassing to share other people’s texting fails with you. Yes, there are a million websites dedicated to this subject but I feel there is a place for this article. The aim here is to cut out the lame stuff leaving you with just the best of the best. I’ve tried to exclude anything that’s obviously fake although if I found something especially funny and thought it could possibly have been for real, I included it. I’m not going to include my usual commentary on this post beyond the intro because I really feel these speak for themselves. With that out of the way, let’s get to the funny text messages.

what kind of cruise

50: I’m not sure that sounds like a very entertaining cruise.

wal mart is the best place to pick up sluts

49: I know Walmart is always my first stop when I want to get a slut.

tortilla gorillas

48: I get that the ‘funny’ here is the tortilla/gorilla thing but if you correct the original message to read what it was supposed to say, that actually sounds exceptionally delicious.

the what patch

 

47: Even a school party sounds infinitely better than a visit to the tampon patch.

the cripples

 

46: This one should not have made me laugh nearly as hard as it did.

teenage mutant ninja turtles

 

45: Here’s my question – how does this person know what licking Raphael’s forehead tastes like to start with.

tape bill clinton

 

44: Poor Bill Clinton?

starts at wieners

 

43: So my party starts at wieners. What of it?

sleeping with the shirts

 

42: Is it wrong that I even think the shirt thing is a lot creepy?

sick maybe

41: I think that was supposed to be sick? Maybe?

show it your boobs

 

40: Yes, that’ll teach it!

she wants to tell you something

 

39: Maybe it’s nothing, but I’d be a little concerned if I were that guy.

sex my crotch

38: Oh Tawnya, I feel your pain. I really do.

pickle horse

37: I can’t be certain why, but this one made me laugh until there were tears streaming down my cheeks.

penis potion

36: I have heard that penis potion is great for fighting infections … although I heard this from my husband so take it with a grain of salt.

oh dude no

35: Oh man – I have totally experienced this one. So awkward every time.

not good

34: That phone just keeps digging her deeper and deeper.

not barack

 

33: I don’t believe him.

no laundry

 

32: I think her first response was what she really meant to say but she lost her nerve.

lube

 

31: Terrible, terrible, terrible … and so unfortunately funny.

lost cigarette

 

30: I wouldn’t be sure how to respond to that either. I think my first question would be “how?!?”

lil pup

 

29: I don’t even have words for this one. There are … just no words.

ice skating

28: I sometimes think auto-correct exists just to embarrass us. (if this one is too small to read, click for the full size image)

i think you're crazy actually

27: In my experience, people who say they aren’t crazy usually are. Just a tip.

hot dongs

26: I wouldn’t mind a hot dong slathered in ketchup, mustard and relish right now.

horny man

25: When I think ‘horny man’, Hallmark is not the first store that comes to mind. Maybe I’m shopping at the wrong Hallmark stores. Why not just split the difference and get her a horny man ornament. Go ahead. Try not to picture it.

hippo

24: I have seen this one roughly a million times and it makes me laugh just as hard every time.

hermaphrodites like my day

23: This one is great. It’s so funny it seems like it has to be fake but at the same time, I can totally see how it happened. Terrific. Terrific.

happy wolverine day

22: My husband and I have agreed that every February 14th is now Wolverine Day. So much more awesome than Valentine’s Day.

gollum

21: Anything with Gollum is awesome. The end.

gave em some jackets

20: How exactly does one winterize hoes? Give ‘em a jacket and some mitties?

gangster hamsters

19: Strip clubs, hookers and hamsters? Sounds adorable! Count me in!

fuchsia

18: My favorite part about this one is that at some point, this person used the word ‘fuckweasel’ in a text which I think is fantastic.

evil kitty

17: … and the song takes on a whole new meaning.

enjoy your

16: So this one is awkward on a few different levels which in my estimation makes it awesome on a few different levels.

duck

15: I’m not entirely sure this one is real but it made me laugh so it stays.

dinosaur face

14: I’m not sure how this one would actually happen but I love it all the same.

cow jail

13: So much wrong here I’m not sure where to start. I think I’ve got to say the felony s’mores stands out for me. I don’t entirely know what it would entail but I’m positive it would be the most delicious felony ever.

butt threads

12: The auto-correct was awesome. The response was awesome and the response to the response was awesome. Nicely done, Mom.

bring a bisexual

11: Could I bring a board game and a bisexual? Sounds like it could be a great time.

borrowed a hooker

10: I hate it when my friends borrow my hookers without telling me.

bookbag

09: How exactly would one go about orgasming their book bag? Even better, how bored do you have to be to feel like organizing your book bag?

bin bum

08: This is one of my all time favorites. I don’t think I need to explain why.

big request

07: Geez man, you don’t want much do you?

big hole

06: If there are mats around your big hole, you’re not taking care of it very well. Just a piece of helpful advice from me to you, free of charge.

baby

05: Holy cow, what a horrible typo! Nothing more to say here. Just … wow.

available what now

04: Well, you might get his attention if you let him know your rectum is available. Guess it depends on the guy.

at ikea

03: I know Ikea is kind of notorious for not exactly being the most ethical company around but I’m sure even they have their limits.

antique crowing

02: I’m sorry but that is a pretty reasonable question, isn’t it? Until that last message I had absolutely no idea what that first message said.

19th century poet

01: I want my phone to turn me into a poet. That is all.

What is your all time worst auto-correct disaster or are you more of a straight ahead typo sort of person? Let me know in the comments section below.

 

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Wanda

Wanda

Wanda

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