Here’s the problem with websites that collect funny text messages – you have to wade through a million moderately funny or obviously fake text messages to get to the real gems. It’s even worse when the website accepts users to instantly post funny text messages because, as everyone knows, what is funny to one person may not be funny to another. The best funny text messages are always the text messages meant to be completely normal but wind up being something much different thanks to the often cursed auto-correct. While watching Dexter with my husband a few months back, a friend messaged me to chat. I responded, “I’ll be there in a few mins. Finishing Sex with the husband.” She was perplexed by my decision to respond to a text message when I was clearly busy. I didn’t even notice the auto-correct decided to change “Dex” to “Sex” until she replied with, “why did you check the message, lady?!?” I could cull a million great examples out of my own adventures with auto-correct but it’s much less embarrassing to share other people’s texting fails with you. Yes, there are a million websites dedicated to this subject but I feel there is a place for this article. The aim here is to cut out the lame stuff leaving you with just the best of the best. I’ve tried to exclude anything that’s obviously fake although if I found something especially funny and thought it could possibly have been for real, I included it. I’m not going to include my usual commentary on this post beyond the intro because I really feel these speak for themselves. With that out of the way, let’s get to the funny text messages.
50: I’m not sure that sounds like a very entertaining cruise.
49: I know Walmart is always my first stop when I want to get a slut.
48: I get that the ‘funny’ here is the tortilla/gorilla thing but if you correct the original message to read what it was supposed to say, that actually sounds exceptionally delicious.
47: Even a school party sounds infinitely better than a visit to the tampon patch.
46: This one should not have made me laugh nearly as hard as it did.
45: Here’s my question – how does this person know what licking Raphael’s forehead tastes like to start with.
44: Poor Bill Clinton?
43: So my party starts at wieners. What of it?
42: Is it wrong that I even think the shirt thing is a lot creepy?
41: I think that was supposed to be sick? Maybe?
40: Yes, that’ll teach it!
39: Maybe it’s nothing, but I’d be a little concerned if I were that guy.
38: Oh Tawnya, I feel your pain. I really do.
37: I can’t be certain why, but this one made me laugh until there were tears streaming down my cheeks.
36: I have heard that penis potion is great for fighting infections … although I heard this from my husband so take it with a grain of salt.
35: Oh man – I have totally experienced this one. So awkward every time.
34: That phone just keeps digging her deeper and deeper.
33: I don’t believe him.
32: I think her first response was what she really meant to say but she lost her nerve.
31: Terrible, terrible, terrible … and so unfortunately funny.
30: I wouldn’t be sure how to respond to that either. I think my first question would be “how?!?”
29: I don’t even have words for this one. There are … just no words.
28: I sometimes think auto-correct exists just to embarrass us. (if this one is too small to read, click for the full size image)
27: In my experience, people who say they aren’t crazy usually are. Just a tip.
26: I wouldn’t mind a hot dong slathered in ketchup, mustard and relish right now.
25: When I think ‘horny man’, Hallmark is not the first store that comes to mind. Maybe I’m shopping at the wrong Hallmark stores. Why not just split the difference and get her a horny man ornament. Go ahead. Try not to picture it.
24: I have seen this one roughly a million times and it makes me laugh just as hard every time.
23: This one is great. It’s so funny it seems like it has to be fake but at the same time, I can totally see how it happened. Terrific. Terrific.
22: My husband and I have agreed that every February 14th is now Wolverine Day. So much more awesome than Valentine’s Day.
21: Anything with Gollum is awesome. The end.
20: How exactly does one winterize hoes? Give ‘em a jacket and some mitties?
19: Strip clubs, hookers and hamsters? Sounds adorable! Count me in!
18: My favorite part about this one is that at some point, this person used the word ‘fuckweasel’ in a text which I think is fantastic.
17: … and the song takes on a whole new meaning.
16: So this one is awkward on a few different levels which in my estimation makes it awesome on a few different levels.
15: I’m not entirely sure this one is real but it made me laugh so it stays.
14: I’m not sure how this one would actually happen but I love it all the same.
13: So much wrong here I’m not sure where to start. I think I’ve got to say the felony s’mores stands out for me. I don’t entirely know what it would entail but I’m positive it would be the most delicious felony ever.
12: The auto-correct was awesome. The response was awesome and the response to the response was awesome. Nicely done, Mom.
11: Could I bring a board game and a bisexual? Sounds like it could be a great time.
10: I hate it when my friends borrow my hookers without telling me.
09: How exactly would one go about orgasming their book bag? Even better, how bored do you have to be to feel like organizing your book bag?
08: This is one of my all time favorites. I don’t think I need to explain why.
07: Geez man, you don’t want much do you?
06: If there are mats around your big hole, you’re not taking care of it very well. Just a piece of helpful advice from me to you, free of charge.
05: Holy cow, what a horrible typo! Nothing more to say here. Just … wow.
04: Well, you might get his attention if you let him know your rectum is available. Guess it depends on the guy.
03: I know Ikea is kind of notorious for not exactly being the most ethical company around but I’m sure even they have their limits.
02: I’m sorry but that is a pretty reasonable question, isn’t it? Until that last message I had absolutely no idea what that first message said.
01: I want my phone to turn me into a poet. That is all.
What is your all time worst auto-correct disaster or are you more of a straight ahead typo sort of person? Let me know in the comments section below.